Etiquette problem

[Muriel]

Slightly long-winded story I’m afraid - & with names excluded to protect the ….! I’ve recently made contact with someone through GR. This person has done a family tree for a family member, which appears to link to mine, particularly because of a very unusual christian name. However, when I looked at his tree I felt uneasy with some of the early information which didn’t seem to add up. The problem starts with the marriage which would be our link. As far as I’m concerned they are possibly my ancestor’s parents based on the fact that they had a son of the right name, born at a suitable time & that the naming pattern, including the unusual name, checks out. Contact has the same marriage but the parents of the groom seemed very odd - & it has led him to constructing a tree back to the 1650s (something I reckon I will never do!). A quick check on the IGI showed that he has made a major error. The IGI gives an extracted marriage which also shows the fathers’ names for the parties but the name my contact shows as the father of the groom is entirely different. I have no idea where he got his information or how he sought to verify it.

Obviously I need to do some formal checking to see what I can find out – I’ve only recently started getting into the detail with this branch. But my problem is what do I tell my contact &, if so, how do I put it? I think I’ve got a chance of getting burial information for my ancestor which may confirm his parentage so I thought that once I’d done that I might pass it on & then later, when I’ve made a visit to NRH, I could say that I’d checked the OPR marriage record & pass on the parentage information given there. After that it’s up to him. What do others think?

[AnneM]

Hi Muriel

I would not hesititate to pass on the correct information and also politely to query the wrong info. I have a relative in Oz who has a name for the father of a joint ancestor which to my mind is not verifiable and in fact is almost certainly plain wrong. I queried it asking politely what her evidence for for that link and I have to say she has not given me an answer I find even remotely convincing.

Anne

[JustJean]

Hi Muriel

Not an easy situation is it? I'm sure you'll do what your heart tells you and I do hope for your sake it's resolved in a positive outcome. I've had the occasion to question facts that are stated online about certain ancestors of my own. After initial contact with the poster I attempted a friendly inquiry as to their source....and when their answer was vague and unconvincing I then tried to offer my possible suggestion for the correct alternative.....which apparently was never taken seriously as it has never been made! So after all that? If asked then I'll always offer what I think the correct answer is if I can...but basicallyI don't try to correct anyone anymore. It's usually their websites or intellectual copyright and their initiative that has compiled the info and placed it in public view. If my own research bears the marks of verifiable source citations and differs from their own then I figure I've done all I can. It's truly unfortunate there are enough armchair copycats out there to continue to promulgate the unproven....but if a family history researcher has the stamina to stay in the game for all the right reasons then I sincerely hope time will eventually sort the wheat from the chaff in the work they leave behind.

Best wishes
Jean

[Lizzie]

Hello Muriel,

I had a similar experience earlier this year with someone re GR. As I had proof of our mutual ancestor I forwarded it to her by email and she was delighted.

Hope this helps you decide.

Lizzie

[emanday]

Like Lizzie, I had occasion to provide a GR contact with the correct ancestry for one of our mutual rellies. She also was delighted to have been put on the right path and thanked me for stopping her from spending a lot of money following the wrong line.

This has happened a few times. I've also benefited from others doing the same for me, and I have always been very grateful for their help.

You'll come across a few who will either totally ignore you, or even get a bit disgruntled . With them - just put it down to experience and move on.

[Muriel]

I just knew there would be people here with good sound advice I'll do some checking just to be sure - I'd hate to discover I'd got it completely wrong, how - then pass on the final result. I may even find myself hitting the credit card, which I don't usually let myself do at this time in the month!!

Muriel

[Kathykins]

I've had a couple of experiences with GR like this - one of which was my mistake. I'd typed something wrong and a contact was kind enough to point out that his information was different from mine. I didn't have any problem with it all, in fact I was very grateful.

But that said, I've had two very bad experiences on there as well, one of which involved a woman accusing me of making up my family tree to embarass her. I forwarded a copy of the appropriate certificate and thereafter just ignored her, but it was very hurtful at the time.

You can only do what you think is right, and if you get a negative response, carry on with your research and ignore theirs. I've noticed that some people seem to think the older your tree, the better!

[Muriel]

I've had a "grateful" reply which is nice - altho' he still seems to be clinging on to some of the earlier names he'd come up with as possible ancestors. As you say Kathykins, some people seem to think length is better than breadth. As far as I can see they are mainly IGI submissions which I'm always very wary about & few, if any, of the names seem to tie in. However, it would be nice to be proved wrong!

Muriel

[dano]

I always try to put my information "out there" with an impliesd disclaimer. Unless I have absolute proof e.g. a death, marriage or birth certificate, I welcome anyone to challenge. If I explain my thought process and the rationale for my decisions and someone challenge, then I am grateful, it makes me question my own decisions and be more careful to check the facts. Never be wary of a challenge. If you resent challenge, you are robbing yourself of an opportunity.

Dano