Thank you for your replies, I hadnt thought of your suggestion Frances, a good one I will give it a try.
Alan, I also wondered about my census info, so went back to check and I am pretty certain it is right, as Jane, is recorded as Jane Barclay Stephen and her son, who was in earlier census, Alexander Barclay, is also there in 1891, Joseph's age never varies and always stated, born in Benholm, I checked as to whether there were any more Joseph Stephen's births around the same time in Benholm, but nothing matched.
I have the 1875 death, it was one of the first I tried, absolutely sure that this was mine!!
Thanks
Ann