Glesca Patter 15

[Moonwatcher]

Glesca Patter 15

First posted 28 March 2004
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Howsittgaunevrybiddy!

Laura – You sittin comfortably oot oan yir deck wae yir coffee? Hope it’s no snawin!

Glesca Remedies

Ah wis watchin an advert oan eh telly the ither night. It wis furr a cough syrup “specially formulated for little ones” [they meant weans!] It goat meh thinkin aboot the remedies thit wurr oan the go when ah wis ‘a little one’. They wurnae sa much formulated as concocted. As ah recall, the ‘medicine boax’ wis an auld ‘oxo’tin. Okay, so mibbay in some less well aff hooses they’d hiv tae make dae wae a shoe boax urr sumhin, bit we hid a bright red oxo tin. Whitivir the container, the contents wid almost always be aboot the same in any hoosehold;

A big ball a Cotton Wool.
A boatle a Iadeen (Iodine).
A boatle a Castir Ile (Castor Oil)
A boatle a Sirrup a Figs (Syrup of Figs)
A boatle a Callamin (Cally) Lotion (Calamine Lotion)
A bar a Durbak Soap
Steel comb
Safety pins
Plus; assorted WW1 Dressings. [These were ex military compressed dressings, very small, hard as a brick, and only to be used in the event of war, which thankfully never materialised! Actually, they were absolutely useless but looked great in the tin!]

Wae these basic medical supplies, yer Mammy could cure jist aboot anythin an wid pit a M*A*S*H unit tae shame. [Please note there is no swearing intent in that last sentence!]

The doon side of coarse wis thit ther wis nae consideration furr the ‘patient’ ie. The wean oan the recievin end. Life wis hard, an so wis the treatmint. So, how wir the above items used tae save life? Read oan… an learn.

Cuts and abrasions.
The wound wis furst of aw doused wae Iodine. Nane eh yir gentle hyo-allergenic antiseptic cream here. This wis Glesca. If ye didnae kill aw known germs furst, they’d kill you. So Iodine wis the boy! If ye’ve never hid Iodine poured, urr dabbed, oantae an open or raw wound, ye don’t know the meanin a pain. It left a bright yella (yellow)/orange stain oan yir skin. As a result, ye could aye tell the ‘tough kids’in the street, the wans thit wirr aye getting hurt – they wirr cuvirt (covered) in yella blotches wher the Iodine hid done it’s stuff. Wore them lik tattoos they did. Showed they hid suffered the pain innat. Had earnt the right of passage.

Bleeding.
Of course, some wounds wid bleed lik fury, so ye hid tae stoap the bleedin afore anyhin else. That’s wher the cotton wool kim in. A big dod (lump) a fluffy cotton wool right oantae, or better still, intae the wound! That did the trick. The fluffy cotton soaked up the blood like an alky left owernight in a boozer. Stoaped in it’s tracks it wis. A miracle in the eyes of onlookers an a testimony to the healin powers eh yir mammy! The doon side wis thit efter an oor (hour) urr so it became rock hard and cemented tae the wound, underlyin tissue, and any top bandage urr claithin thit came intae contact wae it. It became ‘wan’ wae the victim (ah mean patient). The removal of the wool, excrutiatin fibre by excrutiatin fibre, usually took place over an enamel bowl full of hot steamin watter. As the watter turnt red, ye wir reassured thit by no screamin oot, ye hid the makins eh a man. If ye did scream then ye wir jist a big jesse! Wance aw the wool wis oot ye could look furrit tae the Iodine!

Rashes.
There used tae be a loat (lot) a rashes. Ahm no gaun intae the gory details bit it seemed jist aboot evry childhood aliment in em days broat ye oot in rash of some type. But the oxo tin hid the answer; the bright pink ‘Cally Lotion.’ Dabbed liberally ower the areas affected, it dried tae a pinky white crust. Jist yer luck if ye hid the measles cos ye endit up lookin like a zombie. An ye daerny cut yersell at the same time urr ye goat the orange/yella blotches tae really set it aff! Noo here’s a strange thing, if ther wis measles in the street, aw the maws wid bring the weans igither so thae aw goat it at wance! The Cally Lotion goat laldy durin these maw-made epidemics, an nightime oan the street looked like a scene fae ‘Dawn eh the Deid!’

Mouth Ulcers.
Some things wir beyond the scope eh the ‘tin’, an this wis wan eh thim. ‘Sore mooths’ wir anither common feature of ‘tinnimint’ life. A visit tae the ‘Clinic’ [In oor case it wis the dreaded Glenbar St Clinic in the Garngad] wis the procedure here. In wan door, seen bae the guy in the white coat, an oot the other – wae a wee boatle a ‘Genshin Vylitt’ (Gentian Violet). This would be liberally dabbed ower yer lips, tongue an inside yer cheeks. It stained evryhin purple, furr weeks! So ther ye wir wae a purple mooth – nae joke. If ye happened tae be really unlucky ye could hiv measles, skint chin, an a mooth ulcer, aw at the wan time. Ye didnae need face paints in em days! If thir wis any ‘Jenny Vylitt ‘ left (an thir usually wis) the boatle wid bae added tae the oxo tin. That wid save anither visit tae the Clinic in the future. [Merr aboot Jenny Vylitt nixt week]

Nits
Lice wir aye a problem at school. ‘Don’t werr anyibiddy else’s hat!’ These wirr always the loving words that followed ye as ye left the hoose furr school in the moarnin. We aye dreaditt the letter tae take hame fae school informin the maw that the lice hid goat ye an thit we wid need ‘The Treatment.’ [Ahm scratchin jist thinkin aboot it!] So, ye’d fine yersell hunkered doon ower the steamin bowl again, towel roon yer shooders. The black Durbak soap wid be rubbed intae yer scalp until it stung, rinsed an rubbed in again. Efter the final rinse, the steel comb was broat intae action. It tore through yer scalp leaving it lookin lik a fermer’s ploughed field. Ther wisnae much herr tae shield ye fae the wicked teeth, it wis usually short enough tae pass Barlinnie inspection.

Hoaliday Tummy
But of aw the horrors of Glesca childhood remedies, this wan hiz tae ‘take the biscuit.’ It wis aye the custom furr Glesca faimlies tae go ‘doon the coast’ furr ther summer hoalidays. Noo, evry year it wis the same, the faimly hid nae sooner goat thimsells settled intae thir digs, an the sun deciditt tae make a brief appearance, thin the weans wid come doon wae a stomach bug. ‘Hoaliday Tummy’ they euphemistically cawd it. ‘The change of air’ wis anither. (the ‘a’ in change pronounced as an ‘i’ as in ‘fine’) So, when ye arrived and unpacked, the last thing oot the suitcase wis… you guessed it, the oxo tin. ‘Right, take this tae protect ye fae the chinge of air.’ says Mammy. An proceeds tae shove a huge tablespoonfull of Syrup of Figs doon yir throat. Twice!
Ah. Jist whit the doactir oardert! That night, an well intae the nixt day ye wirr runnin back an furrit tae the toilet like an olympic runner. Eventually yer luck, or stamina, gave oot an ye didnae make it in time. That wis yer Mammy’s cue furr stage two in the treatment protocol – The Castor Ile! Two great tablespoonfulls of the stuff tae sort ye oot!
Eventually things wid settle doon an ye could get oan wae enjoyin yer hoaliday (usually bae the middle of the first week.) But ah could never quite escape the suspicion thit if the boatles hid stied (stayed) in the oxo tin, the hoaliday tummy might no hiv happened!

The Safety Pins? Ah’ll tell ye aboot em nixt week, alang wae some merr Glesca remedies.

Meanwhile here’s the rest eh the ‘Ms’.

M

messages-
Shopping. ‘Gaun furr the messages’ means collecting provisions from the shops/store/supermarket.

message bag-
The messages urr kerried in a ‘message bag’ – clever eh!

messin-
A small mischievous person, usually a child.
‘See that wee messin, eh jist rang mah doorbell an ran away!’

mibby-
Maybe.
‘Mibby ah’ll go, an mibby ah’ll no.’

midden-
Refuse collection point behind a tenement.
[The middens were an important part of tenement life. They consisted of brick outhouses containing a number of large dustbins for the the rubbish generated by the folk who lived there. Since coal fires were the order of the day, ash was the principle waste found in the middens. If someone discarded ash that still contained hot embers, a midden fire would ensue, much to the delight of the local weans. Situated in the ‘back courts (coorts)’ the middens from a child’s point of view, could be castles, caves, treasure troves, shooting galleries (stones and tin cans), hiding places (believe it or not) and basically, adventure playgrounds of infinite variety and imagination. This is where you were likely to find those much sought after items such as pram wheels, bits of wood, jeely jaurs, empty beer bottles, string, nails, old clothes, tyres, bed springs, tin cans, discarded toys, mattreses, cuddly toys... everything you could ever wish for. In summer they, and the area around them, were dry and dusty. The ‘pail an spades’ that were originally intended for the annual trip to the sandy beach, would be brought into service to build ashcastles and dirtpies. In wet weather the same equipment was used for mudpies. The middens were the hub of childhood life, whether parents chose to believe it or not.]

Wanna mah favourite Billy Connolly lines; ‘We used tae pit good stuff in the midden jist tae show wae wirr well aff!’

[Midden could also be used in place of ‘messin’.]
‘Ye know that wee midden that wis ringin mah doorbell?’
‘Aye!’
‘Well, noo eez throwing stanes at the windae!’

[And just to make life even more interestin, a midden could also be known as a ‘midgie’]

midgieman-
Dustbinman

midgieraker-
One who sifts through the middens lookin for... stuff.

midgiemotor-
Dustbin Lorry.

mulk-
Milk
‘Ah’m away doon eh shoaps tae get some messages.’
‘Dont furget eh mulk!’

mince-
Has a variety of meanings.
Minced Meat. Of the famous ‘mince an tatties’ variety. [Not to be confused with the fruit found in those wee so called ‘mince pies’ you find at christmas time. That has always confused me]
Nonsense. ‘Eez heid’s full amince since eh kim back fae that course!’
A bad job. ‘Eez finished paperin the wa’ bit ye want tae see it, it’s mince!’
Stupid. ‘Eez as thick as mince!’
Disappointment. ‘Aht’s sickened hurr mince!’

mines-
Mine. ‘Gie meh that back, it’s mines!’

mingin-
Stinkin. Rotten. Bad.

murockulous-
Absolutely drunk and incapable. [Probably a play on the word ‘miraculous!’ Just how that translates I don’t know]
‘Eh kim in last night absolutely murockulous. Eh wis aht drunk eh dooned (downed) hoff a boatle a Cally Lotion afore eh realised it wisnae mulk!’

miss yersell-
To ‘miss’ yourself. Expression used to indicate that you or someone else has missed out on something.
‘Aw Betty ye missed yersell at the party last night it wis a rerr terr.’

moan –
Shortened version of c’moan, which in turn is a shortened version of come oan, which comes from the expression ‘come on.’
‘Aw Jimmy, urr ye cummin urr no?’
‘Aye ah’m urr!’
‘Well moan en urr wull miss eh train.’

mockit-
Yet another Glescaism for dirty/filthy.

moadil-
Model Lodging House. (Model)
‘Ye want tae see eez hoose, it’s lik a moadil.’ or ‘Eez a dirty messin, eh should be livin in a moadil.’
[The Victorian era saw the introduction in Glasgow of a large number of ‘hostels’ for the homeless, destitute and detritis of society. These are not to be confused with the Poorhouses of the time. As I write this, I realise that there is a lot too be said about Models, and a lot of it isn’t funny. So I think I may leave it for another topic.]

molacate-
Destroy. Wan eh mah childhood favourites.
‘Ah’m gaunae molacate you.’

morra-
Tomorrow.
‘See ye aw eh morra.’
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Actually, ah'll see yiz eh night! At eh perty!

Bob.

[CatrionaL]

A good read