Glesca Patter 21

[Moonwatcher]

First posted on SPDG 16 May 2004
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Glesca Patter 21

Hi ther! Wurr stull in Eastirhoose.

Ah remember the summer a ’58 as bein fantastic! Eastirhoose an it’s surroonin countryside wis heaven oan earth. Wae ran acroass thae fields lik rellies eh the von Trapps. We played sojers, kick eh can, hide n’ seek, cowboays n’ indians, five stanes, jorries an fitba tae well efter dark an oor perrints hid tae come oot huntin furr iz, threatnin tae keep iz indoors furr a week if wae didnae come hame when wae wurr sposed tae. [that must be the greatest of all parental idle threats!]

But the planners hid ‘screwed the pooch’. Plenty eh hooses an fresh err but nae amenities whitsoevir! Ye kin imagine the conversation in the City Chambers;

‘Shoaps? Ah thoat you wir daen aht bit!’
‘No me, ah wis daen the drawins furr the verandas!’
‘Well who goat the shoaps then?’
‘Ah hink that wis Jimmy doon oan the furst flerr. Ah remember him talkin aboot shoaps early oan.’
‘Well wherr’s Jimmy noo?’
‘Eh left!’
‘Who took ower fae im?’
‘Dunno!’
‘An whit aboot schools? Who’s joab wis it tae organise schools?’
‘Eh… ah hink wae gave aht tae Jimmy as well!
‘Wis anybiddy daen anyhin uther thin hooses?’
‘Aye me!’
‘Great. Whit did you dae?’
‘The big middens!’
‘Great!!!’

Whitever the reason, eh damage wis done. Enter the vans!

Travellin intae Glesca city tae the shoaps wis expensive an time consumin so, in the early years, mobile vans reigned supreme. Thir wis a van furr evryhin – The Grocer’s Van; The Fish n’Chip Van; The Veg Van; The Butcher’s Van; The Baker’s Van; The Fish Van; The Paraffin Van (this van wis really a hardware van that sold tools, household and DIY goods); The Newspaper Van; The Ginger Vans (lemonade) and Ice Cream Vans (merr aboot them later). Thir wis even a barber thit travelled oot fae the auld Garngad tae cut oor herr (hair).

Thae came in aw shapes, sizes an colours. Thir wurr wee vans, big vans, vans wae steps thit ye climbed up tae get intae a bit wae a coonter. Oan rainy days ye’d wait furr ages in eh queue oan eh pavement an it wis great whin ye finally goat inside. Evrybiddy wid be crammed in oot the wind an rain, wet an drippin, tryin tae make conversation an haudin oan tae weans, message bags, brolleys, purses an soggy message lists (ye derny furrget anyhin!) Wance ye goat served ye hid tae battle yer wae oot again. At least eh big vans hid shelter. Ther wis even convertitt buses peddlin thir werrs (goods).

The vans hid set routes an times. Evrybiddy set thir cloaks bae them. Tae ‘miss’ a van could mean waitin tae the foalyin week afore it came roon again. People wid queue up oan eh pavement waitin furr a particular van at a particular time. As the scheme goat bigger eh vans goat merr spread oot an sometimes ye’d hiv tae walk a ferr distance tae it’s stoapin point. Again, the weans wirr pressed intae service furr this. Wae knew wherr aw the vans wurr an at whit times. Wae goat tae know the drivers an ‘arrangements’ wurr made. The wan ah hated the maist wis the Veg Van. It used tae park aboot hoff a mile fae oor hoose. When yer wee that’s a long wae tae kerry a ‘stane (stone)’ ah totties an mixed veg, especially in bad weather. Aw the vans hid thir distinct soond (sound) – different tones, whistles, hoarns innat. Some, specially the ice cream vans, played annoyin wee repetitive electroanic tunes like ‘Greensleeves’. Yid bae sittin of an evenin watchin Sgt Bilko urr Rawhide oan eh black n’ white, an ye’d hear the soond eh a whistle, hoarn urr some tacky tune. That wis yer cue tae get up aff yir seat, an run oot tae the van afore the queue goat too big urr the van moved aff. Life revolved roon the vans. Woe betide ye if yir mammy left money furr a particular van wae intructions oan whit tae buy – an ye missed it! Ye’d fine yersell walkin miles tae track it doon an reperr (repair) the damage.

Eventually, some shoaps did stert tae appear. Wee shoaps. No yir big superstores thit we take furr grantit noo. At that time the wurd ‘Supermarket’ wis sumhin thit only existit in America. [The furst supermerkit in Glesca wis the ‘Grandfare’ in Coocaddens (Cowcaddens). Ah remember regular trips oan eh bus intae Glesca oan a Setterday tae the Grandfare tae dae a ‘big shoapin’.] The shoaps servin oor area appeared, aw in a row, in Duntarvie Road. Left tae right wurr; Galbraiths (grocer), Munro (Butcher), Stewarts (newsagent), a wee hardware shoap ah cannae mine eh name ah, an the ubiquitous [ah hid tae spellcheck aht cos it’s no a Glesca wurd! Jist iz well ah did cos ah goat it wrang!] Co-op. The openin eh the shoaps didnae stoap the van’s dominance owernight bit it signalled the beginnin eh the end furr thim.

Ice cream vans survived though. The main source eh sweeties, ginger and fags, thae wurr alsae the source eh fierce competition an in-fightin (literally). The big ice cream van concerns wurr keen tae run oot the competition. Whinever a new van arrived oan eh scene, eh big boays wid converge oan it wae aw thae’r vans, lik indians attackin a stagecoach. Yid see this convoy eh ice cream vans drivin alang the street aw the same company an livery except furr the wan sangwijed in eh middle; the ‘incomer’. Thae’d aw bae watchin each ither lik hawks, slowin doon, speedin up. It wis lik that scene fae ‘It’s a Mad, Mad World’. When the incomer stoaped tae try an sell sumhin, they aw stoaped, surroondit it, aw playing thir daft tunes aht wance tae droon oot the wee van’s tune urr whistle, an daein evryhin they could tae attract business away fae im. If eh tried tae make a run furr it oan eez ain the ither vans chased im and hoondit im doon. It’s no the furst time the ice cream vans aw shot aff in hoat pursuit, leavin queues a people oan the pavement an some poor sowel wae ice cream aw ower thir heid as the ‘pokey hat’ goat chucked oot the servin hatch as the van shoat aff. The wee independants wid soon gie up. The big boays alwaes won.
It became known as the ‘Ice Cream Wars’ – an if it sounds silly and childish, it wis tae get really nasty in eh years tae come as rivallries reached bilin point.

But the summer of ’58 held so much promise furr us Eastirhoose kids. As the end eh the season loomed, wae stull nae schools in sight, it looked as though wae wirr mintitt. Wae wurr lookin furrit tae a winter a fun an games an nae hamework. But, unknown tae us, the ‘powers that be’ wurr hatching a fiendish plan. We couldnae escape bein educatit. As we sat an watched ‘Wagon Train’ oan eh telly, wae never guessed thit wurr very ain equivalent wis bein pit igither.

S (cont.)

shed –
Hair parting. ‘Kin ah borry yir comb? A need tae straightin mah shed.”

sherbit –
Sherbet.
Dunno if ye kin still get this. It wis a sweetie in the form eh a white powder. It came in a wee poke an ye dipped a wet candy stick, lolly or finger in it, then licked it. It hid a very bitter taste as ah recall. [Honest! Ah know whit yir hinkin! But it WIZ a sweetie!]

shillin –
Shilling. (or a ‘Bob’ or ‘Boab’) A pre-decimalisation coin.
Furr them thit cannae remember auld uk money eerz the idiot’s guide;
Twinty (20) shillins (or shullins) made up a pound (a quid). A shillin wis writtin as 1/- . Thir wurr twelve auld pennies in a shillin. Five shillins and six pennies wid be expressed as five n’ six or five n’sixims or 5/6 or 5/6d. If a halfpenny wis addit it wid be five n’ sixims haepny or 5/61/2d. If ye added five pounds (a fiver) oan tae this it wid become five pounds five n’ sixims haepny or £5: 5: 61/2d. Ten shillins wis hoff a quid an wis available as a pink ‘ten boab note.’ 2/- plus sixims gave ye Hoff a Croon (Half Crown). Thir wis a Hoff Croon coin furr that. Three pennies wir known as thruppince an a thruppny bit (coin) wis worth that amount. A sixpinny bit (coin) wis worth 6d. Two pennys wurr caud tuppince but thir wisnae a coin furr that. The two shillin coin, also known as a ‘Florin’ wis worth, well, two shillins or 24 pennies. Farthins wir oot a circulation bae the time ah wis buyin sherbit but they wurr a quarter eh a penny.
Wance decimilisation kim in, things goat complicatit.

shirrackin –
Telling off. Being shouted at. Scolded.
‘The teacher gied iz a right shirrackin furr no bein able tae coont money.’

shoodry –
Liftin sumdy up oan tae yer shooders (shoulders). Perrints dae this wae kids at crowded football matches. Whin thir’s a goal thae usually drap em!

Shooey –
Hugh.
Also; Shoo, Shug, Shuggy. If yer nem’s Hugh yer likely tae hiv wan eh these as a nicknem.

shoot eh craw –
Tae leave the premises or location – in haste.
‘Bae the time the polis arrived eh’d shot eh craw.’

shows –
Funfair. Fairground.
The ‘Shows’ used tae come tae Glesca every summer (still dae ah hink). Glesca Green an eh Kelvin Hall wurr the main venues. [One of the big ones was the ‘Cadona’ Shows. The Cadonas were a large family of showpeople. They set down roots in Glasgow and I can remember, during my ambulance days, once taking ‘Granny’ Cadona into hospital from her home in, I think it was, Shettleston. Someone in a recent DG post was researching the Cadona family.

sick-
Oan eh sick. Wuv dun this yin afore. Means bein oaf work due tae illness (urr otherwise).

sin –
Common usage when expressing an injustice urr misfortune.
‘Hiv ye no goat wurd eh that joab yit, that’s a sin.’
or
‘Aht’s a sin so it is. Aht wee filla’s been staunin ther aw day waitin furr aht pub tae open an naebiddy’s telt im thit it’s loast it’s license.’

singil-
Single.
Singil En (Single End). One room tenement flat.
Singil. A non married person.
Singil Fish. Fried fish in batter. As opposed to a Fish ‘Supper’ which is fried fish plus chips. [Incidently, a REAL Glesca/Scottish fish supper is made wae Haddock. Naen eh yir cod. An oan a personal note: If ye want eh best fish supper EVIR ye need tae get yersel ower tae Arran!]

sinker –
To scowl severly at sumdy.
‘Ah smiled tae im, bit eh drew meh a right sinker’.

skelf –
A wee sliver ah wid under the skin. Remember the needle n’ iodine treatmint?

skelly eyed –
Cross eyed.
‘Ah wis lookin oot furr eh grocer’s van, eh usually stoaps up there tae the left. Bit ah wis alsae keepin an eye open furr the butcher’s van, an he stops wae doon ther tae the right. Ah enditt up skelly eyed watchin furr eh perra em!’

skite –
When sumhin strikes sumhin else, urr moves aboot violently, urr slithers across sumhin, it’s said tae hiv skited or skitit
‘Ah gave im a skite acroass eh lug!

‘The budgie escaped fae eez cage an wis skitin aboot aw ower eh place!’

‘The auld dear slipped oan urr backside an skitit acroass the ice.’

‘Gonnae skite the salt acroass eh table tae meh!’

skoosh case –
Very easy.
‘Dae ye hink ye’ll catch any fish eh day Shuggy?’
‘Certainly. It’s gonnae be a skoosh case. Haun meh that stick a dynamite!’

Okay, aht’s it. Time furr me tae shoot eh craw. Aff tae school nixt week.

[CatrionaL]

A good read