Glesca Patter 23

[Moonwatcher]

First posted on SPDG 30 May 2004
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Glesca Patter 23

Hi ther!

Computer away furr major surgery. Typin this oan an auld Olivetti typewriter [If ye look kerrfully, ye’ll see eh blobs a correction fluid]. Nixt week ah’ll probbly hiv moved oan tae papyrus!

Eastirhoose.

Scene: Glaswegian tourist visiting ruins of the Alamo.
American: ‘I dont recognise your accent. Where are you from?’
Glaswegian: ‘Eastirhoose’
American: [shaking his head] ‘Sorry, I’ve never heard of it. What State’s it in?’
Glaswegian: [looking around him] ‘Much eh same state iz this!’
[Note: No offence intended to America’s national monument]

Menshin Eastirhoose tae emmdy an watch thir reaction. Gangs, violence, lootin an pillagin, no safe tae sleep in yer bed at night! No safe tae walk eh streets in broad daylight nevir mine in eh dark!

‘If ye saw a cat wae a tail – it hid tae be a tourist!’ [courtesy of Billy Connolly].

Well it wisnae quite like aht!

‘People always say Easterhouse was a bad place to live but I have good memories of my time there’ [DG member comment]

Durin eh period ah wis ‘servin mah time’ at Blairtummock primary school, Eastirhoose wis chinjin. Eh fields wurr disappearin fast. In thir place wurr hooses an stull merr hooses. Schools, churches and basic shoaps hid bin established bae aht time. Thir wirr stull wee poackets a land, jist waste grun really, thit hid missed eh planners drawin pens [probbly thae’d spullt (spilled – pronounced as in cult) coffee urr sumhin oan aht bit eh the paper so thae jist drew roon aboot it]. But noo ye hid tae walk furr miles afore ye goat oot tae any fields. The place wis HUGE!

But thir stull wisnae any recreational stuff. Nae cinemas, cafés, sports centres, library, swimmin pool urr anyhin lik aht. Ther wisnae even a polis station.

We groups ah kids thit hid banded igither tae explore new territory in the early days, wurr well settilt in bae iss time. Wae wurr a bit aulder, streetwise, an bored. Ah wis wan eh thim. Wae still went aboot in oor groups - as kids dae. Wae became a bit territorial. New kids oan eh block, urr strangers fae ither areas, wurr looked oan wae suspicion. The wurd ‘gang’ hid emerged, but still in the context eh the ‘Oor Wullie’ type gang. Wae’d hiv great fun pittin igither a gang ‘hideoot’ in bushes urr some oot eh the wae ‘secrit’ place. Wae’d build guidies an hiv races. Wae’d make crude bows n’ arras oot ah string an lengths a gerdin cane, urr crossbows fae a couple ah bits ah wid nailed igither an a strip ah rubber cut aff an auld inner tube [urr knicker elastic!]. Target practice against tin cans an boatles providit oors ah fun. Sometimes ‘gangs’ eh iz wid chase each ither, cau’n each ither names innat. Basically it wis aw hermless fun, jist boays – an lassies, growin up, hivin fun, in an environment thit didnae lend itsell tae ‘aff eh shelf’entertainment.

When it stertit tae go soor (sour) ah cannae quite say. It wis a gradual process, an as a kid it bypassed meh much eh same wae as logarithms wid bypass meh a few years further oan. But a loat a perrints saw whit wis happnin. Thae could remember back tae the auld days a gangs in Glesca. The ‘No Mean City’ days. Eh days eh the ‘Billy Boays’ innat. Mah faithir wis wan eh the wans that saw it comin an goat meh bae eh scruff eh the neck.

‘Yer no playin wae them any merr!’ a mine im sayin. ‘Ther uptae nae good. If ah catch ye playin wae em again yir in big trouble’.

An eh kept eez wurd. Minny’s the row wae hid an skite acroass eh lug ah goat tae ah finally stertit tae gie certain folk a wide berth. Insteed, ah fun masell, lik a loat ah ithers, bein jined up intae eh Boay’s Brigade. Lookin back oan it noo it wis eh best hing. Ye goat tae dae stuff ye couldnae dae oan eh street. Thae organised aw soarts a stuff. Ah learned tae swim in eh BB. A goat interestit in first-aid in eh BB, an that wis tae provide eh seed tae mah future career - an beyond. Ah didnae like aw the church stuff an Sunday parades though!

The Gang thing, fae mah perpective, wis lik ‘backgrun noise’. Ah knew it wis ther, an ah saw the graffiti appearin oan wa’s, bit it nivir affectit meh tae any great extent. Bae eh time ah wis at secindry (secondary) school ah knew nearly evry street, close an back coort in Eastirhoose, an travilt freely through thim. Ah knew a loat eh the gang folk an seldom hid any bother fae thim. Ah developed a keen sense a danger thit hiz stied wae mae aw mah life. It’s true whit thae say aboot findin trouble if ye go lookin furr it! Ah used tae swoap coamics (swap comics). [Anither hing wis – diz anybiddy remember ‘Whacky Placks’ an ‘Mars Attacks’ bubblegum cerds?] In thae days lassies played wae ‘scraps’ [wee glossy cut oot pictures a ‘girlie’ hings (fairies an flooers an stuff). Thae wid sit igither oan eh sterrs an admire, swoap, urr dae whitevir it wis thae done wae thim.] But boay’s hid coamics. Ah’m no talkin aboot eh Dandy an Beano. Eh wans ah mean wurr eh Americin coamics. Marvel, DC an Dell. Super Heroes lik Superman, Spiderman, Fantastic Four an eh rest wurr aw the rage. But it could bae difficult tae get yer hauns oan these imported coamics and they wurr eagerly collected an swoapped. Boays (an some faithirs) wurr ayewaes lookin furr missin wans in eh series tae fine oot whit happened tae thir heroes, an catch up oan eh latest, urr missed, episodes. Mah coamic swoappin wid take meh aw ower eh scheme, up closes, intae folk’s hooses, often right intae the areas considert tae be the ‘worst’. The hing wis, ah fun mahsell negotiatin wae some eh the toughest guys in Eastirhoose ower whether tae swoap three auld editions eh ‘Superman’ furr wan copy eh the bran new ‘Batman’ story! Ah could walk doon eh ‘toughest’ streets wae mah big bunnle a coamics, an hiv guys shoutin doon tae meh, fae upsterr windaes, tae haud oan while they kim doon tae see whit a hid tae offer. Soon a wee crowd wid form roon meh, aw wae bunnles a coamics makin deals an swoappin awae goodstyle! Some eh eez same guys might be getting intae trouble wae eh polis later aht night.

Wan ah mah foandest memrys eh mah faithir wis eh time ah wis away wae eh BB wan weekend, an some wee tough guys came tae oor door. Mah Da answered wae eh chain oan [as ye dae] an asked whit thae wantit.

‘Is eh guy aht swoaps eh coamics in?’ thae asked ma Da.
‘Naw!’
‘Any idea when eh might be in?’
‘Naw! Whit’s it aboot?’
‘Wae jist want tae swoap coamics wae im.’
At iss point bunnles a coamics wurr produced as evidence
‘Haud oan.’ An mah faither went intae mah bedroom an gethirt aw mah coamics igither.
As mah mammy telt it;
‘Ther wis yir faithir oot oan eh landin furr eh nixt hauf oor, wae aw these wee hardcases, swoppin comics; arguin an barginin wae thim!’
Thae went away thankin im an sayin thaed bae back again – an they did!
Efter aht, ah sometimes answert eh door an wis asked if mah faither wis in tae swop coamics!

But thir wis trouble, nae good denyin it. The nearist ah came wis wan dark night when ah wis comin hame fae mah pals. Ah took a shoart cut through the grounds a Blairtummock House. It wis a stupit thing tae dae, bit ah wis in hurry an ignored mah ‘spider senses’ warnin meh a danger. Hauf wae alang the woodland path aw these guys jumped oot fae behine eh bushes an surroondit meh. Ah’ll tell ye, ah thoat a wis done furr! Then wan eh thim, the leader, stept furrit.

‘Heh aht’s Wullsin! He’s awright, let im through.’

Ah recognised the guy fae school; still remember eez name, bit ah’ll no menshun it here. Eh hid bin bullyin meh aht wan time, an wan day ah jist hid enough an lamped im! We baith goat takin tae the Head an beltit. Efter that eh left meh alain. Noo here eh wis. Ah goat oan mah wae sharpish. Ther’s a lessin ther sumwher.’

Summdy wance said aboot Eastirhoose; ‘Ye learnt tae either fight, run, make people laugh, urr threw bricks fae the back.’ A few did fight, an thae drew maist eh the publicity. Some eh iz became good runners, A loat made people laugh [Hiv ye evir wunnirt aboot the number a professional comedians thit hiv come oot a Glesca?] An aw eh rest jist threw bricks fae eh back, tryin tae bae wan eh the boays an sumhin thae wurnae. Maist eh thim probbly hiv granweans noo an worry aboot thim getting intae trouble. At thir peak the Eastirhoose gangs wir nevir oot eh papers. Names lik The Toi, The BarL, The Tong, The Bundy (stood furr Boy’s United Never Die Young. Unfortunately quite a few eh thim did!) It finally came tae an end in eh maist unexpectit wae.

The singer Frankie Vaughan wis booked tae play a series of concerts in Glesca. While eh wis ther eh wis disturbed bae whit eh wiz readin in eh papers aboot nearby Eastirhoose. Vaughan hid a tough upbringin in Liverpool an eh decidit tae try an dae sumhin tae help. Eh wisnae a ‘pop star’ as such; best known tae muthers an faithirs furr a song in eh 50s called ‘Give Me the Moonlight.’ Eh arranged through eh local papers an polis tae organise an armistice an tae meet wae the ‘gangleaders’ aht eh Provanmill Inn. Amid much skepticism, cynicism and criticism, eh managed tae get aw these young guys tae agree tae stoap fightin an haun in ther weapons. In return, eh offered tae pit up a substantial sum a money tae fund a youth centre in Eastirhoose. Tied intae that wis a commitment fae the cooncil tae match that figure. Eh also encouraged private donations - which wurr forthcomin.

Oan the appointit day, in a large area of waste grun in the centre eh the scheme, which in a few years wid become a shoapin mall, an unner eh watchfull eye ah Vaughan, polis, media, perrints, an agein autograph hunters, aw the major gangs chucked all manner ah knives an weapons intae a huge pile. Ah suspect a few muthers wurr therr chuckin auld breidknives intae eh pile as well - in eh hope a gettin a kiss aff Frankie! Ah wis ther, wae hundreds merr, as this went oan. Lik maist folk ah didnae think it wid last.

Bit ah wis wrang! The events eh that day set eh baw rollin an marked eh beginnin eh the end eh the gang era in Eastirhoose. Och, it didnae jist stoap owernight, but it fizzled oot as Vaughan, an ithers kept thir promise. A huge corrugatit buildin wis constructit in Cairnbrook Road, no faur fae wher wae aw stood that furst day back in ’58 whin wae goat aff the removal lorry. Paintit right acroass the side eh the buildin wiz ‘Easterhouse Project’. It’s stull ther an goin strong tae this day, bit the gangs hiv gone.

Meanwhile; The faithers wurr still tryin tae fine eh pubs...

Right, time tae chinje eh ribbon oan this typewriter an finish aff the Ss!

S (cont)

steamie –
Wash-house. Laundry.
Before eh days a washing machines an laundrettes thir wis…the Steamie. This is where local wimmin wid go wae thir laundry. [For those of us in Scotland, there is a play, called ‘The Steamie’. It’s been made into a TV play and is usually shown here around New Year time. It involves the conversations of a handful of ‘50s Glasgow women on Hogmanay night as they rush to get their laundry done before ‘the bells’. It provides an excellent example of authentic Glasgow patter, society, dialect and the workings of a steamie. Unfortunately it’s also a musical.
It’s available on video (DVD?). The ‘mince n tatties’ sketch is classic! I strongly recommend it, for educational purposes only you understand (please don’t start the advertising issue again), if you want to hear how the Patter actually sounds.] Gossip is the order of the day in a steamie, hence the expression, ‘She wis eh talk eh the steamie!’

steamin –
Drunk

stir it –
Cause trouble.
‘It wid’ve aw blawn ower bit he jist hid tae stir it up!
stoat. stoatin –
Anither eh thae really versatile Glesca words wae numerous meanins;
1. Good! Great!
2. Drunk [amazin eh number a Glesca expressions furr bein drunk!]
3. Bounce.
4. A child who does something silly.
5. Wander around aimlessly.
‘Ah goat a lumber aht eh dance last night, she wis stoatin so she wis.’
‘Eh kim in last night absolutely stoatin.’
‘Thae weans keep stoatin eh baw aff eh wa’. It’s daen mah heid in!’
‘Aw poor wee sowel, did ye faw aff yir bike? Who’s a silly wee stoat?’
‘Eh’s no daen anyhin, eh’s jist stoatin aboot!’

stoatir -
A good one.
‘Eh tried tae pit eez erm roon hurr and she lamped im. Geid im a stoatir eh a bleck eye!’

stookey –
Plaster cast.

stook –
To be in trouble
‘Aw naw, ah’ve fugoat eh wife’s burthday an hivnae sent hurr a cerd, ah’m in real stook noo!’

stooshie. stramash –
Uproar. Rammy.

stoashus –
Yep, you guessed it, another word for bein drunk!

stumer-
Idiot. Fool.

subway –
Americans caw it eh Underground. Londoners, the Tube. Glaswegians caw it eh Subway. In recent years it’s bin known iz eh ‘Clockwork Orange’ cos the trains urr orange an go roon in a circle!
Noo here’s a hing… Ye know the London Underground map? Wae it’s stylised representation eh aw eh different routes innat. Aw thae coloured lines aw interwoven intae a pattern thit’s recognised eh world ower. Ye see it aht eh back eh every diary. Well, Glasewgians wirr a bit pit oot aboot aht. Ye see oor ‘undergrun’ only hiz wan line; fifteen stations aht go roon in a circle! A few years ago thae decidit thae wantit a map lik London’s [jealousy is a terrible hing!]. But how could thae hiv sumhin lik aht when thiv only goat wan train, oan wan line, gaun roon in circles? So,no tae be ootdun, they drew thir circle, then addit evry ither type a transport thae could hink a. Evry bus route, local train, rickshaw, donkey trail, rambler’s right of way; anyhin thae could pit a coloured line tae! Noo Glesca displays an unnergrun map thit iz evry bit iz impressive iz London. Don’t try an foaly it! Jist enjoy it as a work a art!!

sumdy –
Somebody.

swally -
To swallow or, to go for a drink .
‘Dae ye fancy gaun doon eh pub furr a wee swally?’

swatch-
To take a look at somethin.
‘Heh! Look at iss. Scoatlin’s People urr offerin free credits oan St Andrew’s Day!’
‘Urr they? Geeza swatch itt aht!’

sweetie wife –
Sumby who’s aye gossipin; male urr female.


Right. That’s enough eh the Ss. Oantae eh Ts nixt week. An guess whit? Aul moonwatcher’s headin doon tae Embra nixt week. Furst visit tae the NRH place! Dae ye hink thir ready furr meh in ther yit! Ah better behave masell urr ah’ll get chucked oot! Ah’ll let ye know how ah get oan.

[CatrionaL]

A good read