Glesca Patter 19

[Moonwatcher]

First posted on SPDG 25 April 2004
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Glesca Patter 19

Ah wis sittin last Sunday watchin the London marathon oan the telly an stertit reminiscin eh the Glesca Marathon of ‘84. Whit a kerry oan! Ah’ve still goat mah medal an stuff up in the attic somewherr.

Ah thae wir the days! Thinkin back, ah should really hiv entered in the disabled category. Years a cross country cyclin in the 70s, ower Ayshire an Galloway hills hid taken thir toll oan mah knees. Ah used tae foally the aff road routes of Davie Bell an eez cronies [any eh you Ayrshire folk ever heard eh Davie? Eh used tae write as the ‘Highwayman’ in the Ayrshire Post many years ago]. This wis aw before ‘mountain bikin’ became popular. Anyway, ah hid takin it intae mah heid tae tackle the Glesca marathon, mibby even aim furr the London the followin year. Ah hid built masell up the year afore, runnin a few half marathons (13 miles). The wife an kids wirr constantly narkin aboot the smell a liniment in the hoose. Right enough, the hoose reeked eh the stuff. This wis the regime; warm up, liniment rubbed oan eh knees, trainin run, back tae the hoose, hoat compresses oan the knees, merr linament, hobble aboot furr 48 oors then sert ower again.[Except furr the time ah went ower oan mah ankle oan a kerb an endit up in a plaster ‘stookie’ furr 8 weeks. Everybiddy loved it, an 8 week respite fae the smell ah liniment.] Eventually ah considered massell ready furr the big day. They say ye should be able tae run 17-18 miles comfortably before ye consider the big two six. A fortnight affore the marathon ah managed tae get up tae 17 an wis in agony. But ah convinced massell thit ah hid met the criteria an announced tae evrybiddy thit ah wis gonnae dae it. Whit ah numptie!
A sent aff furr the fishull gear, teashirt an shorts wae the marathon logo printit oan thim [they must be up in the attic as well] an tried them oan. Ah felt lik Sebastion Coe. [probbly looked merr lik Danny Devitto, bit imagination’s a wunnerfull hing]

The moarnin eh the Marathon wis hellish! Glesca Green wis lik the Somme. Torrential rain an bitin wind. An the mud! Oh the mud. Folk hid tied kerrier bags aroon thir feet tae try an keep the mud oot. Ye squelched evrywher. The smell a liniment in the big chingin tent made yir eyes water – but ah felt right at hame wae that.

We made oor wae oot the Green an gethirt in the Saltmerket, jist doon fae Glesca Croass, jinin up wae the masses waitin furr the aff. Ther wirr thoosans eh iz. Fae aw walks a life as they say. Maist folk wir done up wae black bin bags as protection against the wind an rain. It wis freezin as we aw rubbed shooders wae each ither, laughin an jokin wae perfect strangers fae aw ower the country, an ither countries as well, as wae tried tae keep wurr spirits up. We musta looked lik them masses a penguins ye see oan films eh the Antartic. The Glesca Patter wis flowin that moarnin ah kin tell ye! ‘Aw Jimmy is this eh right road furr Ebbirdeen?’ ‘Heh ahm ah in the right queue furr the Elton John coancirt?’ ‘Let me tell ye this boay, this is eh worst organised orange walk ah’ve ever bin oan!’ They jist kept cummin. Folk wirr dressed up as chickens, berrs an things beyon description. Some wirr pushin prams wae folk in thim. Some wirr bailin oot the prams as thae filt up wae rainwatter.
Ah couldnae help glancin ower at the red brick buildin oan mah left, the CPM (City Police Mortuary), an wundrin if that wis wher ah wid end up.

At last wae wurr aff, slow at first, walkin trottin, as the huge mass eh people made thir wae up the High Street. A seethin mass a Glesca humanity. The atmosphere wis fantastic. Evrybiddy wavin an cheerin. Wae hardly noticed the gradient as we ‘flowed’ through Glesca Croass, roon the steeple (wher they used tae hing people in the auld days) an climbed up High Street towards the Catherdral. Gradually we began tae warm up an the plastic bin liners wirr cast aside. Hunners eh these black bags wirr flyin aw ower the place wae the wind.

The furst few miles wurr great. The excitement an exhilaration, folk cheerin. ‘Yiz urr gaun the wrang wae’ some wit oan the pavement shouted. Up Castle Street, through Toonheid, this wis the area my ancestors aw came fae an whit ah wis broat up in, bit ah didnae appreciate that at the time. Ah wunner whit they wid hiv made eh aw this? Past the Cathedral, left at the Royal Infirmary an we wirr makin wirr wae doon intae the city. Through the city we went, up the steady climb alang Bath Street towards the west end. Great Western Road took us oot towards Annisland Croass, through the Asian community, past Byres Road and Redlands Hospital [converted tae the ambulance service training centre, and my place of work at the time]. Gartnaval Royal soon passed oan the left and, at Anniesland we stertit doon towards Scotstoun an whit wis wance the great shippin an shipbuildin region eh the Clyde. A wee guy oan the pavement shoutit ‘Yer gaun the wrang wae pal.’ Glesca folk sometimes lack originality! We wir oan the Clydeside noo an headin back intae the city. Things wirr gaun fine an, lookin at the stoapwatch, ah wis daen good time. Alang through the Broomielaw wher sah minny folk arrived in Glesca fae Ireland, mine included, an we swung right ower the bridge an intae the ‘soo’side’. Bae this time wae wirr gettin a bit spaced oot (ah mean that in the distance sense!) Ah loat a folk hid takin tae walkin furr stretches. Some hid decidit thit this wis a dawdle an wirr gaun lik the clappers an overtakin evrybiddy. Ah began tae feel the knees gaun jist before Pollock Park. Ah’m gled tae say ah wisnae the only wan. Merr an merr wirr walkin noo an some seemed tae hiv geid up aw thigither. We knew the leaders hid already finished bae this time, collectit thir medals an wir either at hame watchin us numpties oan the telly urr in the pub regailin evrybiddy eh thir achievement. Bit, furr the rest, oor adventure wis jist beginin. Pollock park wis aboot the 19/20 mile mark if a mine correctly. Hoff wae through the park, ma knees sterted wavin white flags an sent a message tae mah brain tae STOAP! Bit mah brain wisnae listenin. It hid gied up listenin when ah sent the application form aff! Ah began tae trott, hobble walk fae furst aid post tae furst aid post. Each time, linament wid be rubbed oan mah knees an legs an ah’d be advised tae pack it in. No me! It wisnae because a wis brave urr anyhing lik that, it wis the thoat a evribiddy laughin an sayin ‘a told ye so’ when a goat hame. So ah pushed oan. An eejit at the exit gate fae the park shoutit ‘Yer gaun the wrang wae mate!’ Ah wis aboot tae gie im the malkie when ah realised eh wis right! Noo. it wisnae a case a whit time ah wid dae it in, urr even whit day! It wis purely determination tae finish. The nixt couple of oors wir a nightmare. An lik aw nightmares its hard tae remember the details noo. A remember bein cauld. Ah remember the kindness eh the Glesca people. Ah remember a wean runnin furrit an gein meh a bar a choaclit. That wean will never know how much that helped. Ah remember strugglin doon the side eh the Clyde Embankment, ower the cobblestones. It wis agony! An ah remember the finish. Oh how ah remember the finish!

We entered Glesca green an hobbled, limped, trotted alang towards the coarner in the distance thit turned doon towards the finish line. We couldnae see the finish at this point. Thir wirr aboot five eh us who’d been strugglin oan igither, an wae wirr aw in a sorry state, . As we turned the coarner we saw in the distance (aboot 300 yerds away) the Finish. The big digital cloack showed the time 04:58. As we looked, it changed tae 04:59. We hid wan minute tae come in within the five oor merk. Three eh us sterted runnin, pulled away fae the ither two. Suddenly the pain in mah knees disappeared! An ah wisnae jist joggin, ah wis actually sprintin! Wan guy pulled out in front an ah stied wae im. Aw three eh us wirr focused oan that big cloak in front eh us. We croassed the line affore the numbers chinged, 04:59. No a good time, bit ah felt lik ah hid won! The medal wis slung roon mah neck, a thermal blanket wis wrapped roon meh an then ah realised ah couldnae move – mah feet hid sunk in the mud an ah couldnae lift thim oot! Mah knees hid seized up completely and folk hid tae help lift meh oot the ooze. A couple a stewards then hid tae dig doon an scoop oot mah trainers.

So, as ah sat last week an watched the London marathon oan a wet dreich day I say tae aw you runners whitevir yer time – RESPECT!

Q

queerie-
Odd person. Not in a ‘gay’ context.
‘Ah met Aggie’s new boayfriend last night. Eez a bit eh a queerie that wan is eh no?’
‘How dae ye mean?’
‘Well eh kept talkin aboot aliens an conspirancy theories innat.’
‘Sounds lik eez jist the wan furr Aggie then!’

quotit-
quoted. To be ‘quoted’ is to be in the running or well positioned for something.
‘Jimmy’s gaun furr that joab the morra.’
‘Izzy? Dae ye hink eh’ll gerrit?’
‘Eh seems tae hink eez well quotit.’
‘Whit kinna joab issit?’
‘Deck haun oan a submarine!’

R

ra-
Sometimes used in place of ‘the’.
‘Urr ye gaun eh ra coancirt ra night?’
In reality the sound ‘eh’ is more common.

rag-
Temper, loss of.
‘Whin eh fun oot whit hid happent eh jist loast eh rag!’

rammy-
Fight or debacle.
‘Sumdy pochled the winnins eh the sweepstake in eh pub. Enditt up wae a right rammy.’

rerr-
Good or Scarce. Can mean either.
‘See that choaclit cake, it wis rerr.’
‘An ye left a bit furr us, that’s even rerrir!’

rid-
Red.

refreshment-
Alcoholic drink. Usually used in the context of funerals and sombre occasions.
‘Wid ye like a wee refreshment?’
This expression used tae puzzle me as a kid (still does tae some extent). Ah could never quite make the connection between booze and ‘refreshment’. It wis maist commonly heard at the getherin eftir a funeral. As aw the aunties, uncles, friends an hingers oan wir millin aboot trying no tae pick fights wae each ither, sumdy wid come up an ask, in the maist patronisin voice, ‘Wid ye kerr furr a wee refreshment?’
To whit the answer wis invariably ‘Aye! Jist a wee wan!’
A drinkin frenzy wid then ensue, in which aw the auld rivalries an grudges wid be aired, and endin up in a rammy. Then evrybiddy wid stagger aff sayin whit a lovely service it hid been. As a youngster I came tae equate ‘refreshment’ wae lyin flat oan the flerr singin ‘take meh hame again Kathleen!’

riddy-
To get rid of. or A red face.

‘See that dug if it disnae stoap peein oan eh flerr yer gonae hiv tae get riddy eh it!’

‘When urr knicker elastic snapped, urr knickers fell tae urr ankles. Ye want tae hiv seen the big riddy she hid.’

right-
Sarcastic form of okay! ‘Aye right!’
‘Aw mah heid’s nippin. Ah hid too much drink at that funeral yisterday. That’s it, ah’m gein up the booze. Ah’m never gonnae drink again!’
‘Aye right!’

room n’ kitchen-
As opposed tae a ‘single en’
A two roomed tenement flat comprising of a bedroom and a kitchen come living room.
[When reading a census of a Glasgow tenement flat, the column that records windows gives an indication of whether the flat was one or other ie. Single Room (single en’) only had one window. A R&K two.]


Okay that’s it furr this week. Noo, nixt week ah’m takin a wee brek fae the Patter.. Ah’m pullin eighteen month’s worth of this family research lark igither an daein a wee slide presentation tae the immediate faimly nixt Seturday night. Gonnae try an educate thim aboot thir ancestors innat. An we’ll nae doot bae partakin eh a wee refreshment while wirr at it! Meanwhile, in mah absence, ah’m sure mah pal Dave Sloan will keep ye suitably entertained an enlightened. So if any eh yiz urr in the vicinty eh the Hawes Inn at South Queensferry (right under the Forth Bridge) nixt Setturday night ye might catch a glimpse eh auld Moonwatcher bayin at the moon. Cheers!

[Guest]

Good for you for sticking it out.I have a lot of respect for anyone who can set a goal and stick to it.Sports come and go for us.With me it was track and field and floor hockey.Lucky for the teams we had to choose our courses in grade 10 and I could no longer keep gym on my list if I wanted to do my music courses and band and do the required courses for graduation.With my husband he has an injury for every sport he's tried.Street hockey is his favorite as he couldn't afford the gear for ice hockey.He has hugh feet and his skates would have to be specially made.My son thinks gym is the best course at school next to recess and lunch break.Our girls showed an interest in baseball one year so I signed them up dreaming all the while they would be learning things like team play and good sportsmanship.I never missed a game though they were in different leagues.And they both made wonderful bench warmers.Mandy found her passion in drama and was in several musicals before graduating last year.Megan is the best of all.Coming from a religious family we raised our children to walk away from confrontation.Not to fight when there were other options.(Mum always said don't start it but if it can't be avoided finish it.)So we were both suprised when shy Meggie made the school wrestling team.I'll never forget her first match.It was local so we all went to cheer her on.Her opponant turned out to be twice her size though they were supposed to be in the same weight catagory.They met on the mat and after inspection they shook hands and got into position.The other girl made a dive for Meg's leg and for a minute I thought Meg would go over backwards and it would end in an easy victory against her.That's when you could hear my husband above all the cheering in the gym."Cream her,come on Meg ,you can do it.Get your balance."I don't know if Meg heard (She can't remember as it all happened so quick.)At any rate she got her balance leaned forward grabing her about the waist and stuck her other leg around the back of the girls using her own weight to take her down.She pinned her and waited for the count.The whole time my husband is shouting incouragment to mangle her opponent and the other girl is pulling her shoulders off the mat and pressing her neck into Meg's arm making gagging sounds.(She was not in any danger as she was doing it to herself in trying to dislodge Meg.)But sweet Meggie was not ready for this and the whole time I could see her lips moving.I knew exactly what she was saying as I know her so well.No it wasn't a mantra to help her with inner peace and consentration or a novinia to one of the saints for strength.The entire time Meg was saying."I'm sorry,so sorry.I'm sorry,I'm sorry."Not knowing what to make of her opponants gagging she lifted her weight up to try and help her breath.The ref couldn't believe his eyes.Here she had her pinned and just had to get her to stop getting her shoulder of the mat and Meg was letting her go.He roared at the top of his lungs."No!"Meggie looked him in the eye for a split second and got the assurance she needed shifted her possition popped her opponants elbows out from behind where she was lifting herself up of the mat and pinned her again this time she had her across the chest and there was no hope of the girl getting up.The whole time chanting away."I'm sorry,so so sorry."The count was made and the ref gave them both a hand of the mat.The match was called for Meggie and My husband went wild.So here we were the family that attened church regular.My husband taught sunday school .Meggie had been a top student in all her sunday school years.A proper pacivist,always turned the other cheek.A real peacemaker.And we were cheering to beat the band.Meg went on to win 18 gold medals 4 silver and 1 bronze.Her team won 2 provincials.She never stopped apologising when on the mat either. It's funny isn't it the things we come across as parents.
HK