Why in this grave ??

[Shortfuse]

When we were working on the wifes family history we found out that although the wifes maternal grandmother had a large

family she had never married as her "husband" had not divorced his first wife.She was a practising catholic and took the wife when small

to all the catholic services.

She stayed with the wifes family and when dying in the late 1960s made them promise not to let her lie in the chapel overnight.

Perhaps this was her conscience giving her guilty pangs. The long winded bit I'm trying to get to is, although her "husband" and two sons and

her father are in the graveyard she is in a lair with her daughter in laws family. this is a family she had no dealings with.

It was not out of financial necessity as she was well liked by the family and they had the means to buy a lair etc. can anyone think of

any reason, perhaps religious, why this would happen ? This is something that the wife has been wondering about for the last few years and

as she was very close to her gran it upsets her to think of her gran buried with strangers.





many thanks for talking time to read this sf

[LesleyB]

Hi Shortfuse

I do know of fmaily members buried not quite where (or with whom) you might expect them to be due to a lair being full and another lair still having space - could it be as practical an explanation as that?

Best wishes
Lesley

[Russell]

Hi Shortfuse

I agree with Lesley. Practical considerations, nothing more . At the root of things is the simple fact that once you are dead it is up to others to arrange interment and they may not hold dear the opinions of the deceased when faced with practical decisions.

Russell

[Shortfuse]

Many thanks Lesley and Russell for the replies. That is what I thought but there was bad feelings between some of the main family members, ie the owners of he plot and it just does not sit right with the wife. I know you are right and it is as simple as that,but knowing many of the family over thirty years and how they thought of their mum it does make me wonder

many thanks for your time regards sf

[trish1]

Perhaps this is how the family interpreted " not to let her lie in the chapel overnight" - or could she have said more - that she did not want to be buried in the graveyard. Presumably it was the church views against divorce that stopped her marrying her partner & this may have stayed in her thoughts for so many years. Although the family in the crypt are "strangers" they were close to one of her sons - so perhaps this was the best option at the time.

My parents had long stated (and written) that they wanted to be cremated and have their ashes scattered. When my Mum passed - I so wanted a small memorial so future generations could "find" her - and my Dad quickly agreed - and he also decided he wanted to be with her in later times. So much changes with death, it is hard to know generations later on why certain things happened.

Trish

[Shortfuse]

Hi Trish
You have certainly gave us a lot to think about, The wife looked after her gran for the last few years of her life as her mother and father both worked and as I said was very close to her.I think finding out a lot about a loved one ie she wasn't married,she had more brothers and sisters that we knew about and other stories that were "mixed" up came as a bit of a shock to the wife. Sadly as for so many of us there is nobody left to ask questions about why this and that happened
many thamks regards sf

[Alan SHARP]

Greetings from NZ.

My question would be, does your wife know much about the funeral, and who arranged it?

I've just organized the funeral of my 36 year old son in law, yet I only knew the man for 12 years. His sudden death was a big shock to all, and I happened to be in the best position, to organize the funeral, and the memorials. Close relatives of the man were very scattered, but when we had a family heads up, it was decided our locality was central, and it was the community he had lived in, for his last 14 odd years.

With the Grand Mother's passing being in the 1960's there is a chance the funeral director's business [or records] is/are still on going, and more details about the organization of the funeral, may be available if discrete enquiries are made, with the business, by your wife.

Funeral Director's are in the business of dealing with grief, and generally are sympathetic about enquiries made by direct relatives.

Alan SHARP.

[Shortfuse]

Hi Alan
The wifes gran lived with her mum and dad so we think that they took care of the funeral arrangements. The wife was fourteen at this time so unable to say for certain but it seems most likely. The funeral director would be another line to look into, back to the drawing board
many thanks for the reply sf

[trish1]

Did your wife's grandmother make a will? That might be a place to look as the person who organises the funeral is often the will executor/s. Given the time, and that there were many children - it is possible that the executor/s were sons rather than daughters. My maternal grandfather died in the 1960s. Although he left everything to be divided among his 4 children - his sons (2) were the executors and one of them (the other was overseas) did most of the organising thereafter.

Trish

[Shortfuse]

Hi again Trish
Although there was no will that we know of, we will certainly check into this.

Many thanks again sf

noticed the times of your posts, are you on nightshift ?